


our own house

by starwarringavengers



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: 5 Things, 5 Times, Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Gray Jedi, Jedi Academy AU, Jedi Ben, Jedi Ben Solo, Kissing, Mutual Pining, Padawan Rey, Virgin Rey (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:47:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22042777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starwarringavengers/pseuds/starwarringavengers
Summary: The five times Ben Solo and Rey of Jakku kiss, and the one time they do more. The jedi au that no one asked for but that I am nonetheless delivering.---“How’s the mind-reading coming along?” Ben asks, by way of attempting to make conversation. Rey finally stops giggling and looks at him, the hint of a smile still playing on her lips.“It’s coming.”Does she have to say it like that? Of courseshe does, because it’s Rey. And she’s beautifully clueless.Ben doesn’t even have the balls to respond to that, now that his mind has gone in the opposite direction of what is conducive for meditating or for having a semi-regular conversation with Rey, who is smiling at him in a way that just twinges with mirth.When Luke announces that dinner is ready, Rey stands and offers him her hand. He takes it without thinking.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 78
Kudos: 298





	1. my only sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! please bear in mind that eventually the rating will change! Comments are lovely!

The first time Rey of Jakku, Jedi Padawan in Training, kisses Jedi Knight Ben Solo, she is sixteen years old and Ben Solo has been her best friend for nearly ten years. And it’s a sorry excuse for a kiss.

From the moment Rey had boarded Luke Skywalker’s ship, she’d stuck her face right against the viewport and watched as Jakku disappeared from her sight and an endless expanse of stars replaced the dull tan of the sand planet. From that moment on, her first flight, Rey had not stopped trying to reach the stars. This is why Master Luke has always surmised that she will choose a path that is not that of a Jedi.

Luke Skywalker takes a much more lackadaisical approach to Jedi training than most beings in the galaxy assume. The rules of the Jedi are not so stern in his mind as they had been in the days of the Republic, and therefore, Luke does away with most of them. But they still read the texts and study the writings of those that have come before, so later in life, Luke Skywalker _will_ admit that perhaps he should’ve been a little more straightforward about what his students could and could not do. Namely, whether they could or could not do _each other._

For all of Rey’s wildness and incessant urge to run from human interaction, her fellow students flock to her like she’s a ship in the black expanse of space. It drives Ben Solo absolutely mad.

“Would it kill you to _stop glaring?”_ Rey asks, as they’re sitting across from each other in the courtyard, mirrored poses of meditation, a twenty-five-year-old Ben Solo scowling at a group of giggling younger students as they wave hello to Rey before finding a spot in the courtyard.

“Would it kill them to be quiet?” he shoots back, pointedly closing his eyes so that he doesn’t have to see Rey roll hers. He’s back at Luke’s academy after a few months away on a mission, and now he’s teaching lessons. And it goes without saying that Ben is really _not_ cut out to be a teacher of any kind.

For all of the months they were apart, a stack of letters have accumulated between Ben and Rey, swapping stories of travels and of her studies when they couldn’t speak over a holochannel. Ben is wondering at what point this will have to stop, and silently hopes it never does. After all, they’re _friends._ They grew up together, even with their difference in age. He caught her every time she fell off of another forsaken high structure she insisted on climbing, and she let him practice mind-reading techniques on her, among other shared studies.

But now she’s sixteen, and Ben is wishing with every fiber of his being that Luke would send him away for another year and a half, just so he could put some distance between them until it’s moderately appropriate for him to be wondering what her skin would feel like against his lips. All he wants is to keep her at arm’s length, but she’s _insistent_ on being near him like she always has, and he’s always adored her for it - until this very moment.

He’s opened his eyes and is staring at Rey as she pretends to meditate, but a silent laugh is raging through her body as she opens one eye to peer at him, her shoulders shaking with the restraint it takes not to laugh out loud. Ben raises an eyebrow and knocks against her consciousness with his, just to try to see what it is that she finds so amusing. She’s thinking back on a conversation she had with Finn about Ben, and how he only ever blushes when she’s around. And he doesn’t want to admit that it’s true, but he’s blushing right now and he knows it, and there’s no hiding it from her.

Rey grins at him, her fingertips resting over her knees as she relaxes in her meditation stance, and if Ben just stretched his fingers out, he could grab her hand - but he resists the urge. Somehow. By the grace of some otherworldly force. Or rather, Force.

“How’s the mind-reading coming along?” Ben asks, by way of attempting to make conversation. Rey finally stops giggling and looks at him, the hint of a smile still playing on her lips.

“It’s coming.”

Does she _have_ to say it like that? Of course she does, because it’s _Rey._ And she’s beautifully clueless.

Ben doesn’t even have the balls to respond to that, now that his mind has gone in the opposite direction of what is conducive for meditating _or_ for having a semi-regular conversation with Rey, who is smiling at him in a way that just _twinges_ with mirth.

When Luke announces that dinner is ready, Rey stands and offers him her hand. He takes it without thinking.

***

After dark, Rey finds herself wandering the halls of the temple in search of a certain tall, dark, and brooding man that she wants to bother if only to see the look of amusement that borders on annoyance whenever she opens her mouth to tell him another silly thing she’s discovered. She rounds the corner to start down the hallway to the rooms and spots the object of her affections, but he’s walking with Tahiri Veila, another of Luke’s students. Her honey-blonde hair falls over her shoulders in soft waves, in a way that Rey wishes hers would do.

It’s not unusual for Rey to feel a little bit self-conscious about her appearance -she _is_ sixteen - but now she’s feeling it tenfold, watching Ben leaning close to Tahiri as he speaks to her, the older girl’s peals of laughter finding their way down the hall. It’s the first time in her life that Rey has ever felt so _jealous._

Ben Solo is _hers -_ he’s _her_ friend and _her_ confidant. But she’s never stopped to consider that perhaps Ben doesn’t _want_ to be hers.

The mere thought of that causes pain in Rey’s chest to flare like she hasn’t felt in years, a pain she only seems to get when she thinks about being left alone on Jakku, waiting and waiting for people who never came back. It’s the same kind of hurt, to think that maybe her best friend could not really want to be her best friend.

Rey is young still, but far from stupid. She wonders if perhaps she’s _always_ been a little bit in love with Ben Solo. And she wonders if he’s ever noticed.

There’s a new kind of feeling that wells up inside of her as she watches Ben lean against the wall outside of Tahiri’s room, her hand on his shoulder. The window next to Rey’s head shatters in fissures, and Rey ducks behind one of the temple’s pillars before Ben and Tahiri can see her. It’s Luke who appears first, glancing around before his gaze settles on the cracking glass.

“Hm, I bet one of the younger ones is having a nightmare,” Luke muses aloud, and Rey raises her eyebrow. He _knows_ she’s there, he has to. Why hasn’t he given her away? “Ben, check for me?” Luke continues, before starting again down the hall towards the pair of Jedi.

Rey dashes out of the hallway and runs right into Finn.

“Rey! We’re heading down to the beach with Paige and Poe, wanna come?” He asks, gesturing to Rose, who grins beside him. Rey knows what usually goes on down at the beach - usually it involves a bottle of Corellian whiskey.

Stealing a glance back down the hall, Rey finds that Ben, Luke, and Tahiri are nowhere to be found. But the feeling of jealousy is still fresh in her heart.

“Count me in,” Rey says.

***

A few hours and many shots of whiskey later, a group of padawans and young Jedi Knights stumble, giggling, back into the temple and off to their respective rooms. Rey is light on her feet, watching the light dance through the windows of the temple as she makes her way down the hallway, feet headed in a direction that her brain is not comprehending. It’s not until she’s standing outside Ben Solo’s door, having already knocked - quite loudly - that she realizes she’s fucked up.

“Shit,” she mutters, giggling despite herself as the door creaks open and out peers a sleepy Ben, hair mussed and curly around his head like a halo as he squints at her in the semi-darkness.

“Rey? Rey, are you alright?” he asks, opening the door further and suddenly Rey is at a loss for words because she realizes, _oh no, he’s shirtless._ His skin is smooth and pale stretched over lean muscle, and there are very distinct lines at the vee of his hips that makes Rey’s face heat up in a way that has _nothing_ to do with whiskey.

“I’m fine,” she huffs, breathless for some stupid reason, as she stands there staring at Ben with wide eyes as he stares at her with a confused and slightly concerned expression.

“Are you, are you _drunk?”_ he asks then, peering closer at her. Rey’s only response is to giggle.

“Don’t tell Master Luke,” she says, grinning despite herself. “Oh no! I shouldn’t really tell you, either! I mean, you’re technically also in charge of me, because you’re a Knight and I’m not, and _wow,_ how weird is that? You’re _in charge_ of me? That’s ridiculous.”

“Rey,” Ben starts to say her name in-between her fits of laughter and rambling words. “Rey.”

“Am I supposed to call you ‘Sir’?” Rey asks, raising an eyebrow that’s followed by a peal of very raucous laughter, and before she can blink again Ben has slapped a large hand over her mouth and hooked an arm around her waist.

“Stop talking,” he pleads quietly, sighing a little bit. “And don’t call me that,” he tells her as he steps outside the door, shutting it behind him and taking Rey gently by the arm, in the direction of her room.

“Why wouldn’t you open the door all the way? Is it because you’re with Tahiri?” Rey asks, the words tumbling from her mouth before she can properly think them.

“What?” Ben hisses, grinding to a stop and forcing Rey to look at him.

“I saw you talking to her earlier,” Rey says, “I saw you laugh with her.”

“Fuck, Rey, you need to go to sleep.”

“Am I really such an annoyance to you?” she asks then, trying to keep up with his brisk pace as he walks them to her room.

“No, Rey, you’re not an annoyance. But you _are_ drunk, and you should go to bed before someone else catches you.”

She’s considering his answer when she stumbles over her own two feet. In a motion so quick and seeming as though it takes no thought at all, Ben stoops down and sweeps Rey up in his arms, clutching her to his chest. She all but stops breathing.

“Ben,” she whispers his name against the skin of his neck, her arms locked around him and the scent of his aftershave making her dizzy. He’s strong and warm, and she never, _ever_ wants him to put her down.

Tentatively, Rey leans in and presses an experimental kiss to his clean-shaven jaw, and it’s meant to be tender and playful, but her lips linger just a little too long and her tongue definitely has a mind of its own when it sneaks out to taste his skin. Ben lets out a sound something between a whine and a growl before taking Rey’s hand and holding it up to the door panel. They’ve reached her room.

Ben sets her down on her own wobbly feet gently, his hands lingering around her waist to steady her. Before he can move too far away, Rey pulls him back down and bumps her lips against his, softly and _very_ unpracticed. But she means it all the same.

His lips are warm against hers for the brief second that they press, and then Rey tears her arms from around his neck and swiftly locks herself inside her room.

Tomorrow morning she’ll consider what in the _world_ she’s gotten herself into with that little show.

Outside her door, Ben is staring at the spot that Rey had been, dumbfounded and feeling painfully stupid. A longing creeps into his heart and doesn’t let go.

***

The next morning, Rey wakes up with a splitting headache and guilt that consumes her like a blanket. After breakfast and a few words exchanged with her equally as hungover friends, Rey goes in search of Ben. She doesn't find him in his room, nor in the training area, and not at his usual spot by the lake. Defeated, Rey finds her way to Luke and interrupts his morning meditation to ask after Ben. 

"He left early this morning on a mission in the Western Reaches. Did he not tell you?" Luke asks, standing from his spot and approaching Rey, her whole being sagging with sadness. "I told him he didn't have to go, but he insisted."

"He didn't tell me," Rey says, shaking her head at him. If Luke senses the sadness in her, he tactfully ignores it in favor of humming in contemplation. As Rey turns to go, she feels Luke's eyes following her. _What has he done?_

Days go by with no word from Ben, and usually, he would have written and sent a letter as soon as he makes planetfall. Rey sits in the mess hall day after day as Luke hands out letters and packages from families, but day after day nothing comes for her. And day after day, Luke gives her a sad smile with a little shake of his head. 

It's been almost a month since Ben left when Rey walks into Luke's office to find the frustrating object of all of her stupid affections on the other line of the holochannel, speaking to Luke. 

"Ah, Rey!" Master Luke calls, and she has never wanted to disappear more. "Come in for a second, will you? I have to run to the kitchens - stay on the line, Ben, I have to tell you something when I get back." 

And in true Skywalker fashion, Luke leaves the room with a flourish and Rey is left staring at Ben through the grainy quality of the screen, squinting at him in something like annoyance. "You look darker, are you on a desert planet?" Rey asks, and _fuck_ it's a dumb question, but it's all that comes out. 

"I am," Ben says lowly, quietly, "Not desert, actually, Dantooine. But I've been outside." 

Rey nods in recognition, caught in her own whirl of thoughts. "Why did you leave, Ben? You _always_ tell me when you're leaving. You _always_ tell me that you're coming back." She hates how broken it sounds, how silly the thought that she needs to hear him tell her that he'll come back, always, is. On the other line, Ben sighs. 

"It was a spur-of-the-moment decision, Rey, and I didn't want to wake you up -"

"Stop," she snaps. 

"Fine," he says, "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I should've told you. I was avoiding you, and it's because I'm being a coward. So, I'm sorry, Rey." 

The words are like a balm on her soul. Quietly, Rey nods, breathing in the first full breath of air since he left. 

"Thanks, Ben. I'm sorry too, for what it's worth." 

It doesn't need to be said, what it is she's speaking of. 

"I'm back!" Luke announces, popping into the room with a piece of muffin half in his mouth, ever the conspirator. "Thanks, Rey."

"No problem, Master Luke," Rey turns back to the holoscreen and looks at Ben. "Write to me?" 

He nods. "I'll be back. I promise." 


	2. one and only

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Notes about certain things at the end! Thank you for reading! <3

The second time Rey of Jakku kisses Ben Solo, it’s her birthday.

Not _really_ her birthday, because she doesn’t know exactly when her birthday is, but it’s the anniversary of the day Luke brought her to the Academy, and that’s a birthday in and of itself.

Ben Solo steps off of his ship in the noonday sun, noticing right away that a certain little scavenger is not on the landing platform to greet him. “Hi Luke,” he calls, “Where’s Rey?”

His uncle rolls his eyes in such a non-Jedi way that Ben can’t help the chuckle that comes to him as he hops down to greet him. “She’s away on a mission,” Luke explains, offering his arms to his nephew for a long-overdue embrace. “She’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Great,” Ben says, hauling his bag over his shoulder.

“Did you stop by and see your mother?” Luke questions.

“No,” Ben huffs a little, “I’m going to Coruscant in a week, remember? I’ll see her then.”

“Ah, yes,” Luke nods. “In the meantime, log everything you found?”

“Got it,” Ben says. “What time is Rey getting back?”

“I told you - tomorrow,” Luke states, stopping at the steps of the temple to raise an eyebrow at his nephew, who has been away for a long year and a half, and wondering about (but not surprised by) his incessant need to see the little scavenger from Jakku.

“When are you going to Knight her?” Ben questions.

“Soon.”

“How many more trials does she have to face before _soon_ comes?”

“Rey’s biggest challenge is herself,” Luke says, “Just like you. She’ll know when she’s ready, if she decides she is. Just like you.”

Ben nods absently at his uncle, thinking about his own knighting ceremony, but Ben has never really felt like he’s overcome his biggest obstacle, and wonders if he ever will.

“Her birthday is tomorrow.”

“It’s not her birthday,” Ben reminds him, “It’s her anniversary of coming here, remember?”

“Yes, Ben,” Luke sighs, hiding a smile, “I remember. She’ll be eighteen.”

“No, she’s,” Ben starts, but lets out a breath as he turns towards Luke, as if he’s seeing him for the first time. “Eighteen?”

“Yup.”

“Then we have to have a party.”

***

Rey’s only solace as she slumps her way off the freighter with Finn and Paige is that waiting for her is a warm bed and hot food. Not that the mission had been hard, but it had been _cold._ Even as she lugs her bag and the artifacts they’d found into the temple, the end of the hall is theoretically her bed, and she’s _crawling_ towards it. Hot water is a blessing on her skin as she scrubs off cold sweat and all of the grime of searching in the dirt of the past two weeks, she thinks of her next objective: food.

On the way to the mess hall, the temple is suspiciously empty. Rey doesn’t think much of it, still on a mission for the hot bread that she knows will be sitting at the table. What greets her is definitely _not_ bread.

“Surprise!” The shout takes her off guard, and for the first time in her life, Rey nearly jumps out of her skin at the sight of the lights flicking on and Poe throwing sparklers in the air. “Happy Birthday!”

The phrase is thrown around over and over as she walks in, loud calls of love all aimed at her. Tears spring to her eyes before she can really help it.

“Thank you so much,” she gasps, as Finn and Poe and Rose wrap her in a group hug, nearly picking her up off the ground.

“It wasn’t our idea,” Poe admits sheepishly, “It was Ben’s.”

The sound of his name makes her start, and Rey begins to glance around wildly for him, eyes zeroing in on his position where he stands next to Master Luke, smiling just a little bit at her. If Rey could project her thoughts across the room to him, they’d all be filled with love.

_Thank you thank you thank you, you’re the best, you have no idea how much I appreciate this, it’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me -_

_You’re welcome._

She hears the thought as clearly as if it were spoken aloud. His dark voice, reverberating around in her skull and wrapping around her like warmth.

 _You’re getting good,_ he tells her, and Rey can only grin at him from across the room.

They don’t speak until later in the evening, when everyone has eaten their fill of cakes and fizzy drinks and Luke sends them all out of the hall after they’ve cleaned, and Rey finds herself on the path down the stone corridor to Ben’s room, like she had a year and a half before.

She doesn’t find him there, and hates how panic begins to seize her. He’s _here,_ she’d seen him -

_Garden._

This new development in their ability to communicate is striking and a little bit scary - but Rey loves the sound of his voice in her head. She heads out of the temple, headed in the direction of the lush gardens that Luke and some of his students tend to. There, at the edge of the garden, Ben Solo stands with his back to Rey and his hands crossed behind him, looking out at the ocean.

Rey knows that he can hear her coming, but she takes extra care to make noise against the stone walkway to alert him as she moves to stand beside him. “Welcome home,” she says quietly, leaning forward to brush her fingertips along the purple flowers that line the wall.

“Hi, Rey,” Ben greets, and finally turns to face her. A year hasn’t changed him very much, except that he’s gotten perhaps an inch taller and an inch broader, and Rey can only think about the way he’d carried her in his arms the last time she’d seen him in person. “Happy Birthday.”

“Happy Anniversary,” Rey says, blushing a little even as she says it. “I mean, you know, anniversary of our friendship. You were the first person I met.”

“I know,” Ben says quietly, and opens his palm to her. Rey places her fingertips against his without a second thought. “I got you something.”

Rey raises an eyebrow at him and watches as he digs a hand into the pocket of his trousers to produce a small, wrapped package and place it in her palm. Upon wrapping it, Rey finds a piece of yellow Kasha crystal, a focusing crystal that is meant to clear the wielder’s mind of distraction.

It’s a beautiful thing - flecks of oranges and yellows and golds that catch the moonlight in ways that Rey imagines eyes do. She looks up at Ben to find him smiling.

She can’t think of words.

Instead, she picks it up in her palm and feels the power flow through her body and the Force that lives in her soul. It _speaks_ to her.

“I knew it was for you the moment I found it,” Ben says quietly, and Rey hears his words like they’re in a vacuum. He’s the only thing there, in that moment. Without thinking Rey throws her arms around his neck, rising on her tiptoes to embrace him close as he stumbles back at the force of her bodily hauling herself at him, but he recovers quickly and wraps his arms around her.

“I missed you,” she says, so quiet that she can barely hear it leave her lips.

“I missed you too, Rey,” Ben tells her, sliding his arms around her back and clutching her close.

But Rey always has to ruin moments like this - she can’t help herself.

“Ben,” she starts, “Why did you run?”

He lets go of her slowly, peering down at her through long lashes as hair falls into his eyes. “I didn’t.”

“You did,” Rey insists, “I woke up and you were gone, and then you wouldn’t write to me and,” she takes in a shuddering breath. “You _always_ promise me you’ll come back, every time you leave. And you didn’t. You just disappeared.”

Ben regards her carefully for a moment, his mouth moving in that frustratingly cute way that it does when he’s thinking and breathing and speaking and really just doing _anything -_ his lips are just pillowy soft and Rey desperately wants to put hers on them again.

“I didn’t know what to do,” he admits finally, “You kissed me and I just didn’t know what to say.”

“Start by talking to me, next time,” Rey snaps, harsher than she really intends. “Don’t just run off!”

“Rey, you were drunk and I didn’t know if you would even _remember -“_

“It’s fine,” she says quickly, shaking her head. “It’s not like it counts anyway, right? Isn’t that what they say, when you kiss someone when you’re drunk?”

He studies her carefully, dark eyes narrowing. “Rey, was that your first kiss?”

Her heart stops. She can’t lie to Ben, she’s never been able to - but oh, she does _not_ want to admit this.

“It was, wasn’t it?” Ben asks, a hint of amusement in his voice. Rey’s face flushes so fast and so deep that she feels like she might start sweating. “Oh, Rey.”

He sighs her name, a little laugh lingering on the end of the word. She hates the pity in his voice.

“Come off it, Ben,” she snaps, “Let’s drop it, okay?” Her heart hammers in her chest.

Inches away, Ben is looking at her in a way she’s never seen before, his eyes somehow both wide and scrutinizing and the corner of his mouth turned up in a little smirk.

 _Have you been kissed since?_ He asks in her mind, as if he knows that she doesn’t have the courage to tell him the truth out loud. It turns out she doesn’t have to though, because her expression gives it away.

“Well, we can’t have that,” Ben says quietly, and before Rey can properly ask what in the _fuck_ he’s doing, his large hands are cupping her face and tilting her jaw up so that their lips can meet. She melts on the spot, sinking into his touch and his kiss, into the way his hand tangles in her hair and his tongue traces her lower lip.

It’s over too soon.

“There,” Ben says, breathless as he pulls away from her. “Now you’ve had a proper first kiss.”

Rey continues to be at a loss for words as Ben slides a finger down her cheek and turns away, starting back towards the temple.

***

Ben Solo is a foolish, foolish man.

He’s foolish and stupid and going to get himself in a _lot_ of trouble.

He feels like an ass, leaving Rey standing in the garden after that, but he knows that if he doesn’t leave now he’ll either toss her over his shoulder and carry her back to his room or fall to his knees before her and beg her forgiveness for being such an idiot. He could have potentially done both.

Inside the safety of his room, Ben runs his hands through his hair and still feels her lips on his, the scent of wildflowers that surrounded him and the feel of her beneath his hands. A cold shower, that’s his plan.

The holo on his desk beeps with a message from Luke.

**Rey is coming to Coruscant with you.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Focus Crystals   
>  Kasha Crystals


	3. rewrite the stars

The third time Rey and Ben Solo kiss, Leia Organa is laughing.

Coruscant is _not_ Ben or Rey’s favorite place, by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, you’d be hard pressed to find a Jedi or any living thing that actually _likes_ Coruscant’s overcrowded streets and constant humming of ships and neon lighting. The upper level of the city-planet is calmer - above the swarmed streets instead exists totally different type of terror: politicians.

Ben had always hated having to follow his mother to meeting after meeting, Threepio trailing behind them and whirling facts and meeting times and _Young Master Ben, tuck your shirt in._ It’s how he came to be an avid reader and researcher in the first place. There was nothing to do other than bury his nose in a book.

He is _not_ looking forward to going back to Coruscant, least of all with _Rey._

“Lose the cloaks, kids,” Luke tells them, tossing them communication devices to take with them. “This is a diplomatic mission, and you don’t want to stand out. You’re guests of my sister, and that’s all anyone should think you are.”

“They’re going to know that we’re Jedi, Master Luke,” Rey says, cocking a hip and looking at the older man with an expression of annoyance.

“Not if you don’t tell them so, Miss Rey,” Luke states, wagging a finger.

“I have to agree with Rey on this, uncle,” Ben says, crossing his arms over his chest as Luke regards the pair of them quietly. “I’m not sure investigating one of the eight members of the New Republic is our best move, especially considering his anti-Order sentiments. He’s going to see right through us.”

Luke sighs. “Borsk Fey’lya is nothing but manipulation tactics and political strategies - you need not let him intimidate you. Do your digging _out_ of his way, and you’ll be fine.”

“I can’t believe my mother agreed to this,” Ben mutters, shaking his head at the situation they’ve found themselves in. Covert operations are _just_ this side of doable for Ben, given his mother’s incessant need to teach him manners and make sure that he can conduct himself around politicians and the wealthy. But Rey?

It’s not that she has _bad_ manners, but they did take her a few years to learn. And when she says the wrong thing, it always shows on her face. Ben secretly loves it when that happens.

“Ben, you’ll take care of the talking, Rey will take care of feeling out the atmosphere,” Luke tells them, and then practically shoos them away.

It’s been a week since Ben returned to Yavin IV and consequently a week since he’d kissed Rey in the garden. Every time he sees her, he seems to keep fucking up. After the drunken kiss outside her door a year and a half ago, they’d finally gone back to normal and went back to sending each other letters almost every day and talking when they could, but now they’re back on the same planet and Ben just can’t seem to figure out how to act.

After so long away she’s not much different, except now Ben has in the back of his mind that she’s _eighteen,_ and _have her cheekbones always been that high? Have her lashes always been long enough to cast a shadow? Were her lips always that red? Did her voice always sound that alluring?_ She’s caught him staring at her more than once across the mess hall or during meditation, and he’d tried to hide it the first few times. Now though, she doesn’t seem embarrassed by his gaze - she seems almost…flattered? As if she wants him to be looking at her.

He’s waiting by the transport with a bag slung over his shoulder when she comes bounding down the steps of the temple, newly-knighted Paige Tico and their pilot, following close behind. Ben nearly chokes on his breath.

Rey isn’t wearing Jedi robes anymore, _obviously, Luke told them not to,_ but she’s wearing an off-white bodysuit and traveling cloak that’s a stark contrast to his black sweater and pants, but seeing her in white isn’t just what does him in.

It’s her eyes.

Rey has never worn much makeup, and frankly, Ben doesn’t think she needs it, but he’s well-versed _enough_ in women to know that it’s a useful enhancement tool and sometimes a fun artistic outlet. Many of the girls at the Academy wear makeup that represents their home planets or their clans - gold blushes and intricate markings that Ben’s mother would probably be glad to know he _does_ appreciate artistically.

But Rey’s home planet is Jakku, and there’s no ties there for her anymore, except for a sense of longing, and so there’s no cosmetic to represent it. Instead, Rey’s eyes are smudged with a light brown color and lined with pure white. It’s just enough to make her eyes stand out, and look less brown and more green and _wow, has it been this warm outside the whole time?_

Ben is standing stock-still like an absolute fool when Rey approaches, tossing her bag into the transport before turning to him. A small whisp of hair is falling from her top bun onto her forehead, and Ben doesn’t think about it when he reaches up and tucks the strand behind her ear. If she’s surprised by the motion, she doesn’t let it show. She only gives him a gentle smile, squinting a little in the sunlight.

“Ready?” she asks.

This is going to be a _long_ trip.

***

“Do not, I repeat, _do not_ make me go to a party,” Ben groans to Leia, whose expression resides somewhere between amused and bored. They’re sitting at the table in her quarters having breakfast, and all had been going _swimmingly_ until Leia had announced her wish for Ben and Rey to join her at the evening’s dinner party with guests from the Hapes Cluster.

Though Rey secretly shares Ben’s sentiments, watching him squirm in annoyance under Leia’s frightening use of his full name is too funny to risk interrupting.

“You’re _going_ and that’s final, Benjamin. Rey, dear, please let me know if there’s anything I can help you with when you get ready. For now, I have a meeting,” Leia says, and turns back to Ben. “Please, don’t destroy anything while I’m gone. Either of you.”

And with that, Leia Organa-Solo strides from the room with a purposeful and regal air, leaving Rey giggling in her seat while Ben looks on with narrowed eyes.

“I _hate_ dinner parties,” Ben mutters.

“I’ve never been to one,” Rey admits, though she’s sure he knows that fact. After all, the only people she’s ever taken meals with are the students at the Praexium and occasionally Master Luke. She doesn’t know the first thing about how to behave at a party. This only furthers her confusion as to why Luke sent her here to Coruscant with Ben - she’s not exactly a people person.

Ben looks at her strangely for a moment, with the same gaze that she can’t seem to decipher these past few days. It’s something like wonder, but darker. She finds herself blushing.

“You’ll be fine,” he assures her solidly. “For now, let’s go see what the Senate is getting up to.”

***

Being cramped in close quarters with Ben Solo is strangely _not_ Rey’s idea of a good time, given that she’s flushing darker than the berry juice Leia had put out for breakfast for them. It’s not that she really _minds_ being pressed against him, with her back to his chest as they both peer through the crack in the closet in Fel’lya’s office. How a Jedi Knight and an almost-Jedi got themselves stuck in a Senator’s closet is almost as confusing to them as it would be to anyone else.

They’d been arguing about the best course of action, Ben warning against Rey’s tendency to dive headfirst into the water without looking (she had done so, and that’s how she learned to swim at the Academy. Ben had practically thrown her in after she’d expressed interest in learning. He didn’t see the point in treading lightly when it came to learning). Regardless, they’ve been too busy arguing to notice that Fel’lya was on his way back before it was too late. So, they’d crammed into the coat closet and held their breath.

A bad idea? Yes. Their worst? Probably not.

Now they’re stuck listening while Fel’lya speaks over a channel to someone in native tongue that Rey doesn’t know too well, but Ben has a recording device held up over her shoulder to catch and analyze later. Even if he’d been speaking Basic, Rey isn’t sure she’d be able to listen well enough, given that she’s really, _really_ flushed about the situation she’s found herself in.

Ben Solo is not really a hugger and neither is Rey, so their points of physical contact have been limited to touches on shoulders and brushes of hands, and the two or three times he’s carried her for some reason or another. And, of course, their kiss. Rey’s head is _still_ reeling from it, and the way he’d looked at her when she went out to meet him at the transport and then tucked a curl behind her ear had her practically bursting with the need to confront him about it.

And now, she feels his whole body tall and broad behind her, his lips close enough to her ear that she can feel his breath on her neck and easily pick up the scent of mint in his aftershave.

 _I wish you’d touch me,_ is all she can think. No thoughts of the mission, none of translating languages, just a pure, unadulterated desire to feel Ben Solo’s arms wrap around her and his hands wander. Rey lets out a slow breath in an attempt to center herself.

Ben stiffens behind her.

_Fuck._

If he’s heard what she’s thought, he doesn’t give any indication. He just continues to hold up the recording device. But, he does slip his hand into hers and tap her palm three times.

 _Good?_ The gesture asks, something they’d devised years ago during long meditation sessions, when they’d have to partner meditate for whole hours.

Rey taps back twice. _Yes._

They’re thankfully not stuck much longer, because eventually Fel’lya leaves his office in a flurry and Rey lets out a huff of relief, surveying the Force for other lifeforms nearby before opening the door.

“Let’s get this back to Threepio,” Ben tells her quietly, and they make to sneak out the way they came.

They’re _thisclose_ to leaving the hall undetected when they both sense lifeforms nearby. “Shit,” Ben mutters, grabbing Rey by the arm and pulling her over to one of the pillars and abruptly pressing her against it, an arm cradled over her head as his hand rests on her hip.

“Ben, what -“

He shushes her softly, craning to press his face into the crook of her neck. “Wait until they walk by.”

Rey can only nod in understanding, her heartbeat a frantic tattoo against her ribs as Ben’s entire body shields her from view. Their breathing is labored, unsteady, as the guard and Fel’lya near them, and Rey can see them eyeing her and Ben suspiciously as they approach.

 _They’re looking at us,_ Rey tells him in her mind, and Ben blinks in recognition, before lifting his free hand and cradling Rey’s face. She resists the very strong urge to once again ask him what he’s doing, and instead goes with it as he presses his lips to her neck, a soft trail leading up behind her ear.

_Close your eyes; don’t be suspicious._

Rey wants to shout at him and question how they could _not_ look suspicious in this position, but she vaguely feels when Fel’lya and the guard pass, catching the trails of a faint little chuckle from one of them. She catches the tail end of their thoughts, all along the lines of amusement at a young couple stealing away a few quiet moments in the halls of the Senate.

“See? Not so bad,” Ben asks, but it’s quiet and his voice is low and crackling like a fire and Rey wonders if he’d catch her if she quite literally melted to the floor.

“Yeah,” Rey concedes. “Not bad.”

***

Ben goes about the rest of the afternoon in a haze. Even as he’s getting dressed for the dinner and ignoring his mother’s plea of _please wear something other than black,_ he can’t stop thinking about Rey. But, can he ever?

The scent of wildflowers is still surrounding his senses and the memory of her face in his hands is still raw, and he just can’t focus. He doesn’t like to intrude into her thoughts without permission, but she was practically _yelling_ in the closet, her mind projecting so loud he barely had to do any work to hear her thinking _just touch me._ If they’d been stuck in that closet a moment longer, Ben reckons he might have done something extremely stupid.

“Ben? Please,” Leia is saying, holding out a cloak to him. He has to bite his tongue not to get annoyed with the whole thing once again. “Wear it.”

“Do I have to?”

“Are you five years old? Stop arguing and put the cloak on!” Leia says, and despite her tiny self, she flings the cloak around his shoulders and fastens it around his neck. It falls to his knees and turns to the side, leaving his arms mostly unencumbered and his lightsaber hidden on the other side. The cloak itself isn’t the issue - it’s the embellishment. It’s from Alderaan, and that’s the _only reason_ he’s letting this happen, because he knows it’s important to his mother. Because here, he is Leia Organa’s son, and however defunct the titles of Princess and Prince of Alderaan are, he carries them nonetheless.

After she deems his hair fixed, Leia steps back and smiles softly at him. “My son,” she says, “You look very handsome.”

“Alright, mom,” Ben rolls his eyes, but can’t hide the smile when Leia turns away. He follows the sweep of her dress down the halls of the Senate to the ballroom, cursing himself yet again for agreeing to this. He’s about to resign himself to night of pure torture when he senses Rey, and in a moment he’s turned from his mother and her conversation and is staring at her as she descends the steps into the ballroom.

“Everything shows on your face,” Leia says then, more a sigh than a scold, as she looks at Ben looking at Rey. He barely hears her

Her dress is far from the sparkliest thing in the room, but she is the most beautiful thing he’s ever laid eyes on. The dress is dark blue and so silky it looks like water is falling over her, and the top is mesh embroidered with what looks like tiny stars that stretch over her collarbone and down her sleeves, and all Ben can imagine is that she’s wearing _nothing_ but stars, because it looks as if she’s plucked the night sky from above them and wrapped her body in it. The skirt is not huge and thank _fuck_ for that, because Ben is absolutely captivated by the way the fabric clings to her torso and her legs and falls gracefully around her feet.

Ben vaguely registers that she’s walking towards them, smiling shyly as she approaches. Thankfully, his mother possesses far more tact and is decidedly not as distracted by Rey as he is, and so she reaches her arms out for Rey, who goes sailing into them with a look of relief.

“Well, don’t you look lovely! Ben, doesn’t Rey look nice?” Both women are looking at him expectedly, and he thinks he might choke.

“Yeah, yes,” he says, before clearing his throat and nodding. “That’s a nice color on you, Rey.”

 _A nice color?_ He thinks, _Fucking moron._

Rey smiles at him then, soft and sweet, her lashes touching her cheekbones as she blinks. He finds himself grinning back.

And then, much to his absolute annoyance, he is back to being Ben Organa-Solo, son of the legendary Leia Organa, who _everyone_ wants to talk to. He barely gets a moment to breathe, let alone stare at Rey like he wants to.

 _Save me,_ he projects at her as he’s stuck standing next to his mother and trying his best to be polite even though he hates basically everyone in his immediate vicinity and kind of wants to ignite his lightsaber just to incite a little bit of action.

 _Aren’t you an adult? Fend for yourself. I’m having enough trouble over here as it is,_ Rey thinks back, and he catches her eye from across the room and nearly bursts out laughing. She’s speaking to a very tall gentleman, who is gesticulating wildly and each time coming close to absolutely sloshing his drink all over poor Rey, who is furrowing her brow and giving her best attempt at a sincere smile.

 _Balcony?_ Ben asks, and Rey practically lights up as she excuses herself from the man and Ben mutters a quick apology to his mother before following her from across the ballroom. There’s a giddy sort of smile on Rey’s face as she slips out onto the balcony, her dress melting her into the scenery seamlessly like she was made to be near the stars. Ben slides out to meet her and practically catches her in his arms as she pulls them away, into a dark spot in the corner where they can breathe.

“I like your cape,” Rey tells him then, reaching a hand up to trail her fingertips along the embroidery over his chest. Ben rolls his eyes.

“I look ridiculous.”

“No, you look like a prince,” she jokes, grinning wildly at him. Ben catches her hand and keeps it pressed to his chest on some sort of pure instinct, taking in a deep breath of the night air, clean and fresh this high up. It makes him feel a little dizzy.

“Then you’re a princess,” Ben tells her, touching the beading on her sleeve.

“I could never,” Rey laughs, “Your mother has the royalty thing down, I wouldn’t know where to start.”

Oh, there are so many things he wants to say to her as he watches her giggle, eyes lighting up and crinkling a little at the corners. He wants to tell her how lovely she is, how unworthy of her he’s always felt - but would she even want him? Lust and attraction are a different thing altogether from loving someone.

And there’s the question of their vows, which they’ve technically already broken. Or, was there even anything _in_ the vows about relationships? Ben can’t recall clearly enough.

“I have a question,” Rey says suddenly.

 _I’ll give you anything you want,_ he thinks. If she hears it, she doesn’t respond.

“So, I guess I never really apologized,” Rey begins, looking down and staring out at the cityscape around them to avoid meeting his eye. Ben feels like his lungs will explode. “For being drunk that one night and kissing you. I shouldn’t have done that and I didn’t mean to make you feel like then you _had_ to kiss me the other night on my birthday,” she stumbles for words, “I was so worried when you left the next morning that you’d never speak to me again and then I was worried that the kiss the other night would ruin everything all over again, and so, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry, and also, thank you? I suppose? For the kiss?”

Ben stares at Rey as she speaks, his mouth half-open in amusement and amazement, as she blushes and stammers and continues not to meet his eye. “You’re welcome,” is all he can think to say, because his big fucking brain still has no idea how to function when Rey is around. Her responding laugh is musical.

She nods a little, her cheeks still rosy and the wind picking up a stray hair from her updo. Just like in the morning, Ben reaches up a hand and brushes it away, catching her face in his hand as he does. Her lips are soft when he runs the pad of his thumb across them and Rey’s eyes flutter shut as if she’s breathing him in with the night air. He doesn’t think too hard about it when he turns her face and presses their lips together.

She tastes like semi-sweet champagne and chocolate and she’s warm in his arms when he pulls her close, hands skating over the beading of her pretty dress and feeling her spine beneath his fingertips. Rey keeps kissing him, lets him lead but responds with an equal amount of fervor, however cautiously.

 _Just kisses,_ Rey thinks to him, _Just kisses - oh this is so wrong, we’re going to be in so much trouble - I love your lips._

So, perhaps she’s not thinking at him, but he’s hearing it nonetheless. When Ben reaches up and cups the back of Rey’s neck she sighs against his mouth and he wonders if that’s what peace feels like, what wells up inside of him at the sound and the feel of her kiss.

Unbeknownst to either of the two Jedi, Leia Organa-Solo is standing at the door to the balcony, laughing quietly to herself and reminiscing that Ben is _truly_ his father’s son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The eye makeup thing comes from [this photo](https://www.google.com/search?sxsrf=ACYBGNS5iIFasagJ6kIB73knPohgE7FtpQ:1577938039542&q=daisy+ridley+white+eye+makeup&tbm=isch&source=univ&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjT88uiheTmAhWSd98KHfDFACIQsAR6BAgJEAE&biw=1440&bih=772#imgrc=yzJPglfjP0rtGM:) of daisy, because i think she looks gorgeous   
> Inspiration for [the dress is this](https://www.google.com/search?q=Paolo+Sebastian+2018+Spring/Summer+Couture+Collection:+Once+Upon+A+Dream+\(2/2\)&sxsrf=ACYBGNTnrAJFTCMkHDLPhGWQLyIVksUr2w:1577938175304&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiWmqrjheTmAhVlS98KHbeRDAkQ_AUoAXoECAwQAw&biw=1440&bih=772#imgrc=kNBS9MqCQU5I6M:), but darker and with sleeves.


	4. should've said it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Years of confusion and attraction catch up to Rey and Ben.   
> Ben is reckless. Rey is bad at emotion. Finn and Poe bear the brunt of the awkwardness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all SO MUCH for your love on this!!!! I'm so glad that you're liking it, because I'm having so much fun writing it! For those of you into the legends and lore of the EU, there are some references to certain things in here that aren't necessarily on the same timeline that this story takes place, so bear with me on that. The Mandalorian makes a guest appearance ;)

The fourth time Rey and Ben Solo kiss, it’s because he’s a reckless idiot. And Rey is _angry. Oh, she is so fucking angry at him -_

Luke sent them out to meet the Mandalorians. Everyone had protested at first, because their understanding of the Mandalorians is that they’re _bounty hunters, and Luke, you really want Rey and Ben and Poe and Finn to handle this? Really?_

But, he’d ignored their hesitation and sent them off to find a Mandalorian called Din Djarin, a man in possession of something rare: a Darksaber. Apparently, he had accumulated the artifact after defeating - during a series of strange circumstances some years before - a man by the name of Moff Gideon. Why Luke wants the thing to begin with, no one is quite sure.

“Can we _please not touch my controls?”_ Ben growls at Poe, as the co-pilot makes to switch something on the control panel over on Ben’s side.

“Can you maybe _not_ send us out of the atmosphere at regular speed? We’re gonna fry!” Poe snaps, waving a hand wildly.

“Poe, out of my seat,” Rey says, soft and calm, and the man seems all too happy to hand over flying next to Ben over to her. She’s glad for it, not only because she gets to sit in closer proximity to the man who kissed the absolute _stars_ out of her on a balcony in Coruscant, but also because they’re a good flying pair. Their mental connection is strong, and it makes for easy navigating. Finn and Poe disappear for a game of Djarik and leave Rey and Ben to their own devices. For the first few minutes of flight, they work in silence as they ease the transport out of the atmosphere and set course for Rattatak, a mountainous planet ruled by warlords, and far too close to Jakku for Rey’s personal liking.

Once they’re on autopilot, with nothing left to do but look out for pirates along their course, Ben lets go of the controls and turns his chair around to face Rey. He stares at her expectantly.

“You’re avoiding me,” he says abruptly, and Rey nearly jumps at the sound of his voice.

“I’m absolutely not doing anything of the sort,” she shoots back, going back to staring out the window.

“Rey,” he says, soft and quiet so that she has to strain to hear him or else turn her body towards him. “Are you upset with me?”

“Why would I be upset with you?” The answer is too quick, and in response he does nothing but smirk. “I’m not upset you with.” She repeats.

Ben sighs a little and stands, and in one quick movement, he’s turned her away from the control panel and placed his hands on the armrests on either side of her body, holding her captive with a dark gaze. “Rey,” he begins again, saying her name in that way, the one that makes her go weak. “Are you mad that I kissed you?”

“Mad?” Rey squeaks. Oh, she is _far_ from mad - but she _is_ confused. Is this the path her life is taking? Is she sure that this is what she can commit to, life in servitude of others? Can she really live the way Luke does? More than that, _why_ is she suddenly lusting after her best friend of nearly ten years? A man who knows her better than anyone in the galaxy, who has been by her side since she was a _child._ Is she _in love_ with Ben Solo? Or is she just a hormonal young woman who wanted to know what it would be like to feel desired?

He just continues to look at her, staring into her eyes with a dark look that both frightens and intrigues her. Rey thought she knew all of Ben Solo’s different expressions, vast as they are, but this one is new, more recent. Something she’s not quite used to yet.

“I’m sorry,” he says abruptly, standing to full height before her. “I think I’ve taken advantage of our situation.”

She _hates_ when he gets on like this with that tone of voice, the one he reserves for dampening fights with his mother and father. It’s a learned behavior from years of watching diplomacy unfold.

“No, you didn’t -“

“It’s obvious you need to sort things out, and I fear I’m making it worse.”

 _You always tend to do that,_ she wants to say, but what comes out of her mouth is, “I’m fine. There’s nothing that needs to be sorted.”

“Then why are you avoiding me? Why are you looking at me like you’re frightened of me when three days ago I heard you whisper my name while I kissed you?”

He’s leaning down to speak to her again, close enough that she smells the twinge of his aftershave, something sharp and minty, and can see the fractals of gold in his irises. Ben Solo is an absolutely _infuriating_ man, and Rey has never adored him more.

_Because I’m so scared of how I feel about you._

The thought projects before she gives it express permission to, and suddenly Ben is stepping back, a look of something like surprise flitting over his face.

“I thought you -“ he starts, shaking his head a little at her.

“Thought what? That you could screw with my head?”

“No -“

“Are my emotions a game to you, Ben? Is this - this _thing_ \- going on between us some sort of experiment?”

“Rey, please -“

“Because I’m not quite sure _what_ is going on or _why_ I feel the way I feel and your behavior is not helping the situation! The first time I kissed you, you left for a year and a half! Then in the garden, you avoided me for the next week and then we - we, did whatever it was that we did in Coruscant -“

“We made out.”

“I’m talking,” Rey growls, a momentary flash of amusement betraying her overall annoyance when Ben smirks at her. “We _made out_ in Coruscant, and I don’t know what any of this means, Ben!”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything.”

Oh, _that_ hurts worse than anything she could have imagined. He says it with alift of his shoulders, dark eyes watching her reaction.

“It doesn’t mean anything to you?” Rey asks, her voice cracking more than she’d like it to. Alarm flashes across Ben’s face.

“No, Rey, that’s not -“

“We got a problem here, kids!” Poe calls from the other room, and Rey really, _really_ wants to ignore him.

“Not _now,_ Dameron!” Ben shouts.

“Pirates, guys, pirates,” Finn replies, and in an instant Ben and Rey are up from their seats, sliding into the other room and finding Finn and Poe with their faces pressed to the glass as a Des’maric blastboat slides up next to them.

“Fuck,” Ben mutters, disappearing back into the cockpit.

“What exactly is your plan, Solo?” Poe shouts.

“Can you two not fight right now?” Finn asks, holding a hand out to his friend.

“Well, _he’s_ fine charging headfirst into stupid situations, but I’m not looking to get myself killed -“ Poe starts, when Rey promptly interrupts him.

“Poe, that’s a load of bantha shit; you _always_ go for danger. You’re practically a magnet.”

“Rey!” Ben shouts, and with a sigh, she returns to the cockpit and slides in the copilot seat next to him.

“They’re connecting, friends! Anyone got a fuckin’ plan?” Poe calls.

“We’re gonna jump to hyperspeed - we’re only a single parsec away from Rattatak,” Ben tells her.

“What?! They’re connected to us, Ben, if we jump to hyper-speed they’ll either follow us through or we’ll lose the back end of the ship in the process! Those are _not_ good odds!”

To Rey’s utter annoyance and frankly, fear, Ben Solo grins at her, hand on the throttle. “Never tell me the odds, sweetheart.”

One moment her heart is _jumping_ at that pet name, and the next it’s literally _stopping_ as he slams the throttle down and they go ripping through space and time, practically _right_ into the atmosphere of Rattatak, headed quickly for their coordinates - and a mountain peak.

“Solo, are you _fucking insane?!”_ Poe screams, and Rey vaguely hears the crash that her two friends make as they go flying, clearly unprepared for the way Ben jerks the ship up to narrowly avoid scraping the hull on a point of jagged rock.

“I hate to be the one to break your concentration, but I think you should know that this ship really isn’t built for what you’re trying to make her do -“ Finn says, appearing in the doorway of the cockpit, only to go stumbling into the wall when Ben pulls left.

“This is all great and good, but they’re _still_ locked on,” Poe announces.

“I can see that. Could everybody be quiet, for just one second, while I take care of this?” Ben growls, and Rey nearly screams as he comes once again too close to scraping the side of the mountain. She hears the screech of metal and is mentally preparing herself for whatever damage is coming, but then she realizes…it’s not _them._

Rey whirls around and sees through the viewport that Ben has practically drug the blastboat up the side of the mountain, using their connected cord to the pirate’s disadvantage. She’s not going to tell him it was a good idea until _after_ they’ve safely landed.

“Finn,” Ben says calmly, “Please detach that fucking line from our ship before I blow all of them up.” It’s just _this side_ of arousing to Rey the way he looks when he’s concentrating, hands gripped tight around the controls and eyes focused and breath easy.

The rest of them can do nothing but watch as he flies, because to try to intervene would be more of a detriment than a help. Ben is _freakishly good_ at flying, and it’s in their best interest to stay out of the way.

Rey hears when Finn slides open the transport door and lightsabers the cord, detaching the two ships. They go _sailing,_ even faster than before, and leaving the pirates tumbling in the rocks of the mountains. Ben turns them around and heads once again to their destination.

“We’re _not_ telling Luke about that.” Is all Ben says about it.

***

Ben knows he’s fucked up. Oh, he’s _really_ fucked this one up - and he thinks that maybe he’d rather Rey just slap him for his behavior sooner rather than later.

 _How_ could he have made her think it was a game?

_Was it?_

Perhaps at first, after he’d been so shocked by her drunken kiss in his arms so long ago, he’d kissed her again the second time out of a sense of _very_ misplaced amusement. It had been a sort of joke, but then their lips had touched, and Ben didn’t think he wanted to do anything else for the rest of his life _but_ kiss her.

And then there they were at the party, and she was the most gorgeous thing he’d ever seen, and he realized that she always _has_ been that beautiful, and the latent, always-lingering attraction he has for her blew up into something far more confusing. Suddenly he was laying in bed thinking about summertime and sweet wine and _her,_ the damn scent of flowers that seems to follow him everywhere now, and the increasingly inappropriate thoughts about her mouth and legs and touch and her eyes, and how they’d meet his while she -

“That’s our man,” Poe interrupts his train of thought, pointing towards a small log cabin where a man is trekking out to meet them, hands in the pockets of a travel cloak.

“Are you Din Djarin?” Rey asks, stepping forward to meet the man, his dark hair peppered with a little bit of gray.

“I thought Mandalorians always wore their helmets,” Finn mutters quietly.

“I am no longer a Mandalorian, my friend,” the man says, stepping forward and holding his hand out to Rey. “I am who you need, and I have what you seek.”

“Does anyone have any ideas as to _why_ Luke wanted this? Or why it’s so special?” Poe asks as they sit around the table in the small log cabin, accepting mugs of steaming tea.

“Only one exists,” Din Djarin says, sitting down across from Rey and beginning a very long and complicated story of the history of the Darksaber, and how he came to acquire it.

“So, let me get this right - you’re the Mand’alor, but you said you’re _not_ a Mandalorian anymore, but also you can only _get_ this thing by dueling the owner for it? Why pass it to the Jedi? It’s a Mandalorian artifact, isn’t it?” Finn asks.

“This thing has been around for ages - we hardly understand it. Jedi make lightsabers, and more than that, you collect knowledge. Passing this off is less of a formality and more of a hope that you will protect it, and do what’s right with it. This power is not for me.” Djarin replies, shaking his head a little. When they finally rise to say goodbye, they wrap the Darksaber carefully in cloth and leather to hand over to Luke.

The entire ride back, Rey is nowhere to be found. Ben suffers through the flight with Poe sitting next to him, grateful that for _once_ he doesn’t seem to want to talk. But, that spell is short-lived.

“Nice flying earlier, Solo,” Poe says, coughing out the words as if he hates the idea of giving the compliment.

“Thanks, Dameron,” Ben says, flashing him a genuine, small smile as they touch back down onto Yavin IV. Rey practically flies off the ship, and Ben is left trailing after her, feeling like an absolute ass. Even at dinner, she avoids him like a plague.

Finally, he musters up the courage to seek her out, finding her sitting by the lake with a book in hand. She knows it’s him as he gets closer because he can feel through her Force signature how her anger spikes. Oh, she is _furious_ with him. For the first time in their relationship, Ben wonders if Rey means to physically hurt him. He figures he’d probably let her.

“Rey,” Ben begins softly, sitting down next to her on the grass as close as he can without sending her into a rage. “Can we talk?”

For a moment, her signature seems to swim with calm, with something like resolve - and then she smacks him hard on the chest with the book she holds.

“Ow!”

“You fucking _idiot!”_ Rey seethes, slapping him again. “You could have gotten all of us killed this afternoon, you absolute _fool!”_

“Rey!” Ben tries to say, finding that he’s actually _laughing._ He knows it’s not funny, but the way her brow furrows and her mouth sets in a straight line, it _kind of_ is. “Rey, please, can we talk? I need you to understand -“

“Shut up, Ben Solo! For once in your life, _shut up!”_

The last thing he’s expecting is for Rey to practically jump him, her legs locking around his hips as she bodily drags him to the ground, taking his face in her hands and kissing him like she’s dying. Her hands tangle in his hair and he very nearly cries, consumed by her and the way her lips feel on his.

It’s not gentle, not like it was in the starlight on Coruscant, nor like the kiss in the garden. No, this is hungry - as if Rey is trying to extract a piece of his soul by way of his lips. Her hips grind down on his and the sensation is entirely new, shooting through his whole body and settling deep in his belly, a heat that spreads up his spine as he crushes her to him. She shivers deliciously in his arms, his bottom lip between her teeth.

There are so many things he wants to ask her, but nothing is as important at this moment as kissing her.

Ben rolls them over and switches their positions, putting Rey on her back beneath him and allowing his touch free reign to trace the dip of her side, run his fingers through her loose hair and feel the curve of her thigh. Her hands find their way up the back of his tunic, tracing the dip of muscle at the small of his back and he practically melts into her, drinking her in with renewed fervor. The sounds she makes while he kisses her are exquisite - little sighs and breathless whimpers and little moans when he kneads his fingertips against her rips.

This is all he’s ever wanted, he realizes. Rey. All he’s ever wanted is Rey. He’d give up everything if it meant having her.

He’d only run that first time because he was afraid to lose her, afraid that she’d regret her own action and that by then he’d be in too deep - but he’d fucked that up.

“Rey,” Ben whispers her name, intent on telling her every thought he’s ever had and apologizing for the hurt and confusion that he’s sure he caused her - but she pushes him away.

Her eyes are half-lidded and dark, her Force signature spiking with what takes him a moment to recognize as _arousal._

But suddenly she’s gone, sliding out from beneath him and standing, tucking her book under her arm without a word, and walking away.

Ben flops over on his back and curses himself to every god he knows the name of.


	5. ghosts that we knew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke is an absolute COCKBLOCK but what's new??? Also Rey's lightsaber is white and Ben's is purple and you can feel free to fight me on this but I won't guarantee you will ever be able to change my mind. Also also THANK YOU for all the love you have shown me on this little fic! After this chapter, the rating may get bumped up to E, so please be aware that more intense things may come?? :)

The fifth time Rey of Jakku and Ben Solo kiss, it’s because they’re confronted by a ghost.

They don’t speak for a week and a half. Rey avoids him at every turn, leaving each room that he enters and even refusing to make eye contact with him most of the time. Every day that passes, the reality of his fuck-up crashes down on him harder and harder, until finally, something larger than their issue comes crashing down into his world.

That thing is called Mustafar, and Luke’s incessant need to seek out danger. It runs in the family.

“ _Why_ would we go there, Luke?” Ben asks his uncle as he sits with him and the other Jedi Masters and Knights at the round table in one of the many rooms the temple.

“Because it is an important place, Ben,” Luke sighs quietly, “And it is where my father became Darth Vader. It may yet hold secrets or information that Anakin collected. He never stopped studying the Force, even as a Sith Lord.”

“Luke, I have to side with you nephew on this - it seems like a potentially disastrous journey to make,” Master Qui’Nik states, and Ben holds out a hand as if to say, _told you so._

“I feel that it’s a journey I need to make. Anyone is welcome to come, but I won’t force you, nor ask you,” Luke says.

An absolute _lie,_ because he’s practically guilted Ben into going with him just by telling him about it.

In the end, a few of the Jedi Master and Rey and Poe join the expedition, the latter serving as their pilot. Ben feels like his world is imploding around him when he slides into the seat next to Rey on the transport. He could’ve sat a row back, but what sense would that make? It might have been an easier trip if he had - Rey stares daggers into the back of Luke’s headrest as she sits next to him. He can’t hear anything past the rushing wind of her thoughts, practically consuming the entire cabin of the ship.

Add that to the list of things that he’s got to fix.

When Mustafar looms in the distance, Ben gets a very strange feeling. As if something is calling to him, plucking at just the strings of his self-loathing and hatred and everything that aligns with the dark inside of him that he tries so hard to keep hidden. It’s almost as if the atmosphere is pulling his every emotion to the surface, wrapping him in a cloak of things like passion and lust and impulsive thoughts.

Rey sitting next to him isn’t helping. He gets spikes of her signature as she’s so near to him, feels when she goes from fear to anger to excitement, and how all of it is shadowed by a confusion that knots around her.

Perhaps she’s like him, then. Not quite good enough to live entirely in the light, but unsure of what to do with the dark that also lives alongside it.

That thought makes him feel strangely a little bit better.

When they land on the lava planet, Poe looks almost comically concerned.

“You can wait here,” Luke tells him, and Dameron can’t acquiesce fast enough. Ben half expects Luke to say the same to Rey, but it seems he finally knows her better than that, and knows that no matter what, she needs to touch the ground of this planet, just like she does.

None of them are quite prepared for it when their feet touch the blacked lava - the power that flows through the whole planet is dark, almost broken and sad, like a cracked kyber crystal. They walk for some time, thoughts to themselves, before they finally reach the looming castle, made of polished black obsidian and standing as it has for years.

Voices swim in the air. Or, perhaps it’s only one?

“Pairs of two. Don’t split up, whatever you do,” Luke tells them all, with a pointed look at Ben and Rey. “I’ll go right, but the two of you _must_ stay together.”

Ben can’t figure out _why_ he says it like that, but there’s a grave seriousness in his Uncle’s voice that causes Ben to listen to him without question. Masters and Knights pair off, each headed in different directions. Ben and Rey stand there in the entry of the castle for a moment, studying the darkness around them and the cracks in the walls that seem to let in _just enough_ light, as if something otherworldly had broken the stone and splintered it in this way.

They don’t speak. When Rey finally moves to head down a hall, Ben follows her silently. A force is pulling them forward, dragging them to a spot in the castle that’s only calling to _them,_ Ben can tell that much. He struggles a bit to keep up with her, as she ducks and twists and squeezes through mostly-shut doorways that he ends up having to blast open because she’s a tiny little scavenger, and Ben is most definitely _not._

The room they stop in is pitch black. Not a crack of light. Ben makes to ignite his saber but Rey’s hand reaches back and covers his own, stilling him.

“Do you hear it?” she asks him, and in the moment he’s so attuned to just _her,_ in this darkness that surrounds them. He can hear her heartbeat, can practically feel the blood rushing through her veins where his hand wraps around her wrist, the warmth of her as she’s pressed closer to him than she’s been in nearly two weeks.

But, he listens. The voice he’s heard since they touched down on the planet is there, unintelligible for the moment. “I hear it,” he tells her, and slowly, Rey takes a step forward.

Whatever room they’re in, it’s large - Ben can feel the draft of it and probes with the Force to find the high ceilings. Nothing else breathes in the room but them, but something certainly lives in it. Ben doesn’t ask why Rey refuses any light, but he finds himself understanding. Somehow their sabers would taint the way the room feels. It’s not meant for the brightness of their white and purple blades, and so they use the Force to find their way deeper into the room, carefully probing to find anything that might stand in their way. Nothing does.

They find the center easy enough, still robbed of sight, but what tells Ben that they've found it is the warp of sound that happens when they stand there, as if everything will come back at them if they were to speak.

 _“Center,”_ The voice says, like a whisper creeping through every tendon in Ben’s body, rushing up his spine. _“You’ve found the center I couldn’t.”_

“Ben,” Rey breathes, “Who is that?”

For a moment, he doesn’t answer. He shakes his head and then remembers that she can’t see him. A voice speaking to them in the middle of a horrible, abandoned castle on a crying planet should make them fearful, or at the very least be _creepy,_ but the voice and whoever it belongs to doesn’t intend to harm them. It’s soft - sad and broken and full of a past that Ben feels the weight of as if he bears it on his own shoulders.

 _“Are you aware of the Bond you share?”_ The voice asks.

Rey reaches back and into Ben. He takes her in his arms without thinking.

 _“You’re not, then,”_ the voice muses, _“You’ve speculated that it’s there because it’s so easy to hear each other’s thoughts. But Force Dyads are not common, things like life itself - there is hardly any research that’s been done. One hasn’t happened for thousands of years, and yet, here you are.”_

“What does he mean?” Rey asks, hushed. “A Force Dyad? We’re connected?”

 _Of course_ they are, Ben figures. That has to be why it’s so easy to feel each other, to catch the tendrils of emotions that roll off of Rey every time she’s near, and why he can feel her Force signature in a way he can’t feel anyone else’s.

 _“You have to open yourselves up to it,”_ the voice tells them, _“You’re putting up walls because you’re afraid to let each other in.”_

Are they? Is Rey as frightened of the emotion between them, the thing that wraps around them whenever they’re together, the string that pulls them?

“Why us?” Rey asks, more to the voice that surrounds them rather than Ben.

The voice seems to be amused. _“Can you not tell you’re made for each other? The Force does whatever it wants - it’s created one with the other in mind. A balance.”_

It dawns then, who the voice is.

“Are you Anakin Skywalker?” Ben asks, in a voice smaller than he wishes it to come out. He feels Rey start a little.

_“Hello, grandson. I wondered how long it would take.”_

Oh, this _has_ to be his grandfather, because the sass in that voice sounds so much like his mother that it startles him.

“What the fuck -“ Rey starts to say, but stops when the room around them lightens. Not glows, exactly - but it’s as if the light comes from inside the walls, illuminating the two of them and the mural on the ceiling, brilliant with color. Ben looks at Rey first, to find her looking at him, and then together they stare at what’s above them. Images of blue flowers and moons and lakes and in the center, a woman, _his grandmother,_ something tells him, dark curls laced with gold.

_“I lost the thing I loved most in search of power. Do not make the same mistake, Ben Solo.”_

And with that, the light in the room extinguishes, and gone along with it is the presence that lingered with the voice of Anakin Skywalker.

Dazed, Ben waves a hand to send tendrils of light to the candelabras that surround the room, and finally, he can look down at Rey in the still dim light, the warm glow and the gilded gold casting shadows on her face.

She moves first, and thank the _Gods_ because Ben can barely think.

Rey throws her arms around him, bringing their mouths together with no preamble, and he holds her close to his chest, sinking into the feeling of her kiss. No words are said, and there’s no more sound other than the faint hum of the Force and their breathing, the slide of their lips against each other. Rey is warm beneath his palms, a steady but rapid heartbeat and soft hair that he tangles his fingers into as soon as he gets it free of two out of three buns.

Their sabers clatter to the floor and Ben’s cloak falls with them as Rey unlatches it from his throat before nearly jumping into his arms, locking her legs tight around his waist as he slowly lowers them to the ground. She’s straddling his hips and when Ben finally opens his eyes to look at her, he swears that he’s never seen anything more beautiful than the way she looks at him in that moment, flushed cheeks and kiss-stung lips that are just a little bit redder than normal, her hands tenderly reaching up to cup his face.

Oh, he loves her _he loves her he loves her I love -_

She kisses him again and the thought stops in its tracks with a twinge of amusement. Ben contemplates keeping her here, in his arms, forever and ever or at least until he’s had his fill of her, enough to satiate him for a quick moment before he’ll need her again. Rey quietly lets him know that she agrees with this thought, her hand on his chest to lean him back on the floor, their hands and mouths and limbs entwining and connecting as they kiss until they can’t breathe.

 _Are you two…okay?_ Luke’s voice floods both of their heads, and Rey actually groans. _I’m getting a very weird reading off of you. Are you stuck?_

“Fucking leave it to him -“ Ben starts to grumble, but Rey silences him with a quick kiss before pulling him up from the ground. She looks as dazed as he feels.

Rey sends over the mental link with Luke what they’ve found, and then stares at Ben, bright eyes wide and lips parted and chest rising and falling heavily with every breath. He can read her every thought and _fuck,_ some of them are dirty.

_Have you always been that -_

_Yes,_ she sends back, apparently unwilling to acknowledge anything further as she bends to pick up his cloak, and for the first time, Ben doesn’t feel even a _little_ bit bad about the way he stares at her ass. He’s about to tell her such, but then Luke comes barreling into the hall and the moment of bliss is halted.

The rest of the exploration of the castle on Mustafar happens in a daze. Luke finds various writings and books and holos and Ben just stutters about, thinking about his grandfather’s words and the feeling over Rey in his arms. He feels everything she feels as keenly as if they were existing in one body - every time he brushes her, he feels the rush of heat in her veins, and every time he catches the scent of wildflowers that comes off of her hair, he’s sure she can feel the warmth that blossoms in his chest.

They don’t get a moment alone from the time they leave the mural hall to when they get back on the plane. And Ben is well and truly deep in a daze that is all _Rey._

The promise of landing back at the Academy and being able to speak to her there makes the trip almost unbearable, even as he feels the tendrils of her mind slipping at his, as if asking for access, probing to feel his emotion about what they’d experienced, what they’d shared.

The ship lands, and he’s so close, _so so close -_

“Sit with me, Ben,” Luke demands, and yanks him away from Rey.


	6. i was made for loving you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke makes up for being a cockblock, and Rey and Ben finally figure it all out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, i am SO SORRY this literally took me so long to get done. I ran out of all my creative juices and kind of had to force myself through this, so I apologize if it's not quite the climax (hah) you wanted. I tried and I may come back to it and rewrite if I have the inspiration! THANK YOU for following this story!!! I really can't even tell you how much it means to me!!

The sixth time Rey and Ben kiss, they’re finally, _finally_ alone - and they do a lot more than kiss.

“Sit with me, Ben,” Rey hears Luke say as they step off the ship, bodily hauling his unsuspecting nephew into the courtyard as Ben shoots Rey a glance that can only be described as terror - if terror had a twinge of annoyance to it.

_Help me help me help me oh my_ **_fucking -_ **

Rey hears Ben’s thoughts as clearly as if they were her own. She’s in a complete whirlwind - part of her wants to dive headfirst into a stack of books and find out exactly what the ghost of Anakin Skywalker was whispering to them, and another part wants to eavesdrop on Luke’s scolding of Ben, but there’s also a part deep inside her that wants to march up to them and demand Ben come with her to her bedroom, _right this instant._

Oh, that _kiss -_ it was as if she’s been waiting all her life to be kissed like that, but not just by anyone, by _Ben._ If she’d misunderstood this whole thing, well, she’s going to feel like a _damn_ idiot.

_Created with the other in mind._

Made for each other? Is it possible that the Force could be that _tricky?_ Could it be that simple?

Her curiosity of Luke’s scolding wins out, and Rey creeps around to the garden with her back to the wall, hiding in the shadows to try and listen in on what they’re discussing.

“Sit down, Solo,” Luke is demanding, pointing menacingly at a bench and waiting for his nephew to take a seat. “Is there something you’d like to tell me? Something that you did, that maybe involves another one of my students?”

“Why are you assuming it’s something that _I_ did -“

The look that Luke gives Ben could crumble armies, but Rey knows that Ben has already seen the same look - and fiercer - in the eyes of his mother, and he’s unfazed by his uncle.

“I didn’t do anything,” Ben maintains.

There’s a pause as Luke stares down at his nephew. “You are so stupid,” he sighs then, rubbing his fingers into his eyes as if to chase away a headache. Rey almost giggles. Did Luke Skywalker, a Jedi and a man of (usually) utmost poise and annoying seriousness, just call his nephew something so trivial as _stupid?_

Of course he did, because he’s _Luke._

Judging by the look on Ben’s face, he’s considering defending himself, but ultimately decides against it.

“Rey,” Luke calls then, “Come here.”

“Damn it,” she mutters, trudging out from the shadows like a scolded child as Ben whips around and raises a dark eyebrow, amusement flitting over his face when he realizes that she’s been eavesdropping.

“Feel free to sit, if you can stand to be near a beacon of crippling stupidity,” Lue sighs.

“Should I feel genuinely insulted? I feel as though I should,” Ben says, angling himself towards Rey as she takes a seat next to him and they exchange a glance of mutual confusion and amusement.

“Did you know,” Luke begins, eyes still closed and expression very, _very_ exasperated, “That Master Qui’Nik and Master Aya are married?” He asks, with a pointed look at Ben.

“Married?” Ben practically squawks the word, and Rey finds her heart doing a very strange fluttering in her chest.

“Yes, you absolute fools, _married._ As in, love each other and made a life vow to each other and will probably eventually have children!” Luke snaps, suddenly raising a hand and whacking Ben in the back of the head as Rey’s mouth drops open. “If you two ever bother to pay _any_ attention at all, or _ask_ me before you twomade fools of yourselves because you’re both practically _deliberately_ stubborn, you’d know what you’ve always known, which is that there is nothing in the galaxy that wants to keep you two apart, including the _Force.”_

Ben and Rey’s eyes find each other in the semi-darkness, locking for a moment.

“Did you know about the Dyad?” Rey practically shouts then, standing and facing her Master. “Did you know and not say anything?!”

It’s Luke’s turn to look sheepish. “I _suspected it -“_

“No, you did not,” Ben notes, looking at his uncle.

“Okay, fine, _Leia_ suspected it. I wrote it off as pure attraction and your longstanding relationship, but clearly, your connection runs much deeper -“

“Say it,” Ben says then, and when Rey looks over she sees him grinning. “Say it.”

“Fine, I was _wrong._ Happy?” Luke snaps, but his blue eyes are alight with laughter as he stares at the two of them.

“Very,” Ben states.

“I feel much better now,” Rey adds.

“ _But,”_ Ben begins, “If I could take a moment to critique your teaching, why bother having your students study the old rules of the Jedi when you’ve just said that they no longer apply?”

Luke sighs, “Listen, there are a lot of things that the Jedi did wrong - but there are things that they did right. You have to understand history so that you don’t repeat it. If we don’t understand the mistakes they made, we’ll never know how to correct them. As for the Jedi’s rule of no attachments, well,” Luke tips his head back and forth for a moment, “I don’t believe that a Jedi can be compassionate without love in their life. If you don’t know how to love then you won’t ever understand sacrifice, until you know what it feels like to have someone you’d give your life for.”

Silence stretches through the courtyard as Ben and Rey listen to what Luke says, contemplating separately the idea.

“I’ll let you do your own research on the Force dyad, mostly because I’ll admit I know very little about it. Perhaps first, though, you two should talk. Take your time,” Luke tells them softly, reaching out and placing a hand on top of Ben’s head in a gesture that speaks of tenderness, before quietly leaving the two young Jedi sitting next to each other.

“Do you think he did that to clear his conscious, so that he knows whatever happens next we won’t feel guilty about it?” Rey asks finally, after another long stretch of silence. Out of the corner of her eyes, she sees Ben smile.

“Yes, I think that _exactly_ what he did,” he states, “But for once, I think he does mean well.”

“He always means well, he’s just…well… _Luke,”_ Rey adds, dissolving into a fit of quiet giggles. Suddenly, she’s nervous - what does she say to Ben now, knowing that this strange thing between them could have a future? Is it love, like she believes it might be? Or is it just their connection, manifesting into something that they can’t explain?

“Rey,” Ben begins, clearing his throat, “You’re my best friend.”

She nearly groans.

“You’re my best friend and I adore you more than I can explain -“

“Please stop trying to find the right words and just tell me how you feel, Ben,” Rey begs, shifting forward to catch his face in her palms, forcing his dark eyes to find hers.

“I love you,” he says in a breathy exhale, practically whispering the words to her. “I’ve always loved you, from the moment I caught you falling off of the wall when you were six.. I’ve always adored you. And now I’m so in love with you I can hardly _think_ when you’re near me. I know I’ve been fucking this whole thing up, but every time I come back here you’re older, you’re more beautiful, you’re smarter and funnier and bolder and even the first time you kissed me, when you were stupidly drunk and looking at me like you’d never seen me before I’ve been wanting you more and more.”

For a moment, Rey stares at him, completely dumbfounded, butterflies fluttering in her stomach as she watches his mouth speak those words, the memory of his lips on hers fresh in her mind.

She launches her arms around him and kisses him.

***

Ben Solo is an absolute _fool_ for this woman, and he feels like a complete and total idiot as he stares at her and tries to put into words how he feels about her. But then she practically rockets into him, arms looping around his neck and lips on his and Ben isn’t sure he’s ever been happier to be so stupid in his life.

“I’m sorry,” he says against her lips, “I’m sorry that I ever made you think that this was a game, that this wasn’t real for me because it is, it always has been. I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want you.”

Everything else gets stuck between his throat and his heart when she looks at him, eyes round and lovely and twinged with a little bit of laughter.

“You always lose when you play games with me, anyway,” Rey states, and kisses him again.

***

They skip dinner. And they skip evening meditation. And they skip going to bed at all, because once Ben remembered that they were making out in the garden in view of basically everyone (read: Poe and his prying eyes and even larger gossiping mouth), Ben picked Rey up and slung her over his shoulder. She’d giggled and tried to slide back down, but he kept a hold on her and walked them through the path to the lake, finally depositing her in the spot that she’d kissed him and then walked away.

He’d hoped she wouldn’t walk away this time.

They’d tangled together, lips and limbs and hearts as night fell over them like a blanket.

Sometime late in the evening, Rey tilts her head up and looks at him as she rests with her back against his chest. “Ben,” she asks, “Will you kiss me again, the way you did on Coruscant?”

The way she asks is shy, as if it’s something she’s still coming to terms with having liked, the way he’d gathered her up in his arms and held her close and kissed her slow.

“I’ll kiss you any way you want me to, Rey,” Ben tells her seriously, but twists her in his arms nonetheless, settling her over his lap and tilting his chin up to catch her lips, sinking into the feeling of her. She tastes like sunshine and something sugary, the delicate scent of flowers and grass and the earth around them clinging to her skin and hair. It’s slow, like they’re learning each other again - in a way, they are.

But their Bond is alive between them, and there’s not much thinking that has to go into it as Ben discovers what makes her shiver and giggle and sometimes flush twelve shades redder than normal, especially when he presses an experimental kiss to her neck.

He can tell what she wants, she’s practically shouting it in his head, just like that day when they were stuck in the closet.

“Are you sure you don’t want to do this somewhere a little more comfortable?” Ben asks, and it’s partially a joke - but Rey looks down at him with a gaze so serious he wonders if she’s upset for a moment. Then she grins.

“No, I like it out here. This is our spot. I want to do this here,” she tells him, locking their lips together again before forcing him back and laying over him, every part of her body pressed against him. He can’t breathe as he feels her, hands wandering and touching every place they’ve always wanted to, from the curve of her hip to the spot between her shoulder blades and the hollow behind her ear, memorizing everything with his hands and lips and heart.

Ben has to admit that he’s not sure what _this_ is, what they’re doing - but whatever it is, he never wants it to stop. _Especially_ not when she tugs on his hair and suddenly every non-Jedi thought that Ben has ever had in his life is right at the surface, and he wants to absolutely _ravish_ her, to make up for so much lost time and pining and confusion.

 _Do it, then,_ she thinks, or maybe she speaks it - it doesn’t matter. _Love me._

Love her, he does.

Rey is a ball of fire, her whole soul jumping in his hands every time he touches her and kisses her, and she even whines when he instructs that she stop moving. “But, I want -“ she tries.

“I know what you want, Rey,” Ben says quietly, his lips pressed to the space between her ribs. The night air is cooling around them but they’re both flushed, lying almost-naked on the ground with Rey rested on Ben’s cloak, her hands fisting into the black fabric. “I can hear your thoughts, remember?”

Rey gives him a half-hearted frown. “Then you’d hear me telling you to go faster.”

“All part of the game, sweetheart,” he jokes, finally continuing his trail down her body.

There’s lips and tongues and teeth and Rey’s hands in his hair and his on her hips and everything about her is so _bright,_ despite the darkness that the night brings, and when Ben is finally face to face with her, the smile she gives him rivals the sun. Their joining is like a piece of the universe is slotting into place, and their Bond sighs, as if to say, _I’ve waited for this. For you._

Ben can’t remember ever hearing anything more beautiful than when Rey whispers, _I love you,_ as he does just that - _loves_ her. In _every way possible_ he loves her, with his body pressed to hers and their minds wrapping and their limbs tangling.

So, now he figures he knows what he’d give his life for.

_Rey._

***

After the sixth time Rey and Ben Solo kiss, they stop counting. Until the day they stand up in front of their friends, by the lake, and look at the rest of their lives standing before them. They count that kiss.

(There’s one other kiss that Ben counts. It’s the kiss he places on the forehead of his daughter, who already has Rey’s eyes.)


End file.
